Did you ever think about what happens when you change your name?
Nothing, you say, except for the DMV and credit card name & address changes. Just a bunch of paper work. It happens to almost every woman, at some time or other. Getting married, or divorced. Or just deciding to change your name. Sounds simple... huhnn. It is simple to do, but repercussions may result.
The first time I changed my name I was too young to notice anything.My mother had remarried and so I began to use my stepfathers name, but at the same time I dropped my hated first name and from then on used my middle name. Legally I was still my birth name. Thru my marriage and divorce and those psych changes....... About 10 years after my divorce, I legally changed back to my birth name. But still used my middle name for everyday use. I noticed changes after this name change, but nothing to talk about. It seemed to be a very comforting change for me, and made me wonder about the psych health of making a woman change her birth name to her husbands name. What hidden repercussions accompany this change?
The most recent change was this past jan when I was admitted to the hosp directly from the drs office.
I ended up being admitted with my birth name. Nurses commented on my name.Everyone had something to say about it.
I got to thinking about it. I believe that my birth name is me. Its who I am and who I have been all my life. An accumulation of all those years and all those happenings. It suddenly dawned on me... wow, I have denied a part of me, and hated that part of me all these years. Quite an eye opener, and something to think about.
I was at a life changing crossroad in my life , so I thot, well, why not? Everything else is changing in my life.
I'll just go with it, and see what happens. So I am drawing all the disparate parts of me in together. And we are all learning how to live together, in love, consideration, and respect for each other. Altho I will say, this new-old part of me is a little mouthy at times. (But I love her anyway)
Oh yes, and my full birth name is...........
This is Ollie Rae Burton saying check out your 'real' name.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
MEMORIES
In the beginning there was only cancer. Then I started to survive. For 2 months, I wrapped myself, body and soul, in a cocoon of warmth, love, caring, from friends, family, and God.And a whole life of memories.This cocoon was my safe place, where all the world of doctors, nurses, the hospital, and surgeries and subsequent recovery, were not invited. This safe place, this cocoon, was filled full of memories. Memories of good times when my kids were young. Trips to the beach many times during the summer months. I'd pile my kids in the car, and take off for the beach. Sometimes we would stop and pick up the cousins and go to the lagoon, and swim and play on the whale the whole day. I always made enough sandwiches and drinks for the ride home, singing and arguing and then everyone, except the driver, falling asleep.
Memories of evenings in the park after a day of all of us swimming in the park pool. Cooking burgers and dogs on the park BBQ pits. Nothing ever tasted so good again.Memories of sitting in our back yard, on the grass, watching for falling stars.”Oh, look, theres a shooting star, look, there it falls.”
More recent good memories of life with David, moving to the mountains,and times filled with love, contentment and challenges. Living, and loving, with our 12 cats to keep us busy. And then saying good bye to each of them thru the years.
Some memories are not happy, or good.
Some memories are poignant. But I looked at them all, and decided which memories, like old photographs, or old clothes, to keep or which to discard. I threw the uneeded ones in the trash and I let them go.The painful, hurtful memories do not serve me well. I do not need them any more.
My cocoon of quiet time was good and healing for me, and then I was ready to go ahead with traditional cancer treatment. It was a quiet time with just me and God, God, to hold my hand and guide me thru the forest of memories, where nothing could harm me.And when God and I came out on the other side of the forest, I was forever changed.
You need a safe place in your mind, that you can retreat to in times of stress and tribulation.Find a quiet place, go into the bathroom and lock the door. Sit on the closed toilet lid and close your eyes, take a deep breath, and exhale slowly to the count of ten. Do this several times, and then picture a perfect scene in your mind, a place you have been, or a place you want to be. Be there. Sitting on the sand or fishing in a quiet lake,or looking out over a vast beautiful horizen. Alone. You are alone. And quiet. And .....safe. Safe and healthy and perfect. God is there but he is quiet . And waiting. And Loving.
We need this escape, this cocoon, this safe place.This is a place of rejuvenation and healing.You can go there anytime. Take a few minutes, to re-group and rejoice.
And live again.
Memories of evenings in the park after a day of all of us swimming in the park pool. Cooking burgers and dogs on the park BBQ pits. Nothing ever tasted so good again.Memories of sitting in our back yard, on the grass, watching for falling stars.”Oh, look, theres a shooting star, look, there it falls.”
More recent good memories of life with David, moving to the mountains,and times filled with love, contentment and challenges. Living, and loving, with our 12 cats to keep us busy. And then saying good bye to each of them thru the years.
Some memories are not happy, or good.
Some memories are poignant. But I looked at them all, and decided which memories, like old photographs, or old clothes, to keep or which to discard. I threw the uneeded ones in the trash and I let them go.The painful, hurtful memories do not serve me well. I do not need them any more.
My cocoon of quiet time was good and healing for me, and then I was ready to go ahead with traditional cancer treatment. It was a quiet time with just me and God, God, to hold my hand and guide me thru the forest of memories, where nothing could harm me.And when God and I came out on the other side of the forest, I was forever changed.
You need a safe place in your mind, that you can retreat to in times of stress and tribulation.Find a quiet place, go into the bathroom and lock the door. Sit on the closed toilet lid and close your eyes, take a deep breath, and exhale slowly to the count of ten. Do this several times, and then picture a perfect scene in your mind, a place you have been, or a place you want to be. Be there. Sitting on the sand or fishing in a quiet lake,or looking out over a vast beautiful horizen. Alone. You are alone. And quiet. And .....safe. Safe and healthy and perfect. God is there but he is quiet . And waiting. And Loving.
We need this escape, this cocoon, this safe place.This is a place of rejuvenation and healing.You can go there anytime. Take a few minutes, to re-group and rejoice.
And live again.
DIRECTIONS
Have you ever gone down the wrong street or in the wrong direction, and didn't realize it at first. You just kept driving along, thinking of nothing.Dreamin' along. In the Los Angeles teeming, stretched out, unfamiliar freeway driving, it is easy to get turned around. Not so much ....lost, as just maybe going in the wrong direction.
Then something in your subconcious says, “Pay attention. Somethings wrong, something doesnt feel right. You begin to look around, looking for familiar landmarks, familiar territory. Something that will give you a hint that you know where you are, that you are on the right track, the right freeway.
Because on a freeway, you can't suddenly make a U turn, or go around the block and head in the opposite direction. You may be stuck.
You take a deep breath, look for familiar freeway signs, anything. Anything that will tell you where you are and where to go next. Nothing. How did this happen, how did I get so lost, and what do I do now.What do I DO?
In Los Angeles as in almost any large, unfamiliar city, you don't want to get off the freeway, even for a block to get the next on ramp going in the opposite direction, if you don't know exactly where you are. That decision could be deadly.
This is what I faced when I decided I was too sick to continue down the road I was on. Somewhere I had made the wrong decision, the misdirected turn.I felt I had been doing what was best for everyone concerned, and had been doing what God wanted me to do.So why the quandry? If God was calling me home, well OK, so be it. But I really didn't feel that was it, that that was the answer.What do I do, God, where do I go? I kept hearing, “Trust Me.” OK, God, its out of my hands. I am in your hands now. I turned it over and I let it go.
And ended up almost immediately in the hospital, in the capable hands of doctors and nurses, saving my life.I felt I was exactly where I needed to be at that time in my life. Why, I really didn't know at the time.Why wasn't important. But I knew I was safe in Gods Loving embrace. I knew I was healing.And I knew I would live. I would live another day, another month, another year, another lifetime.
I have a new direction and goals now.
So with God as my navigator directing my path, I continue to heal and grow in His Love.
Be aware of your direction, and think about your goals.
Then something in your subconcious says, “Pay attention. Somethings wrong, something doesnt feel right. You begin to look around, looking for familiar landmarks, familiar territory. Something that will give you a hint that you know where you are, that you are on the right track, the right freeway.
Because on a freeway, you can't suddenly make a U turn, or go around the block and head in the opposite direction. You may be stuck.
You take a deep breath, look for familiar freeway signs, anything. Anything that will tell you where you are and where to go next. Nothing. How did this happen, how did I get so lost, and what do I do now.What do I DO?
In Los Angeles as in almost any large, unfamiliar city, you don't want to get off the freeway, even for a block to get the next on ramp going in the opposite direction, if you don't know exactly where you are. That decision could be deadly.
This is what I faced when I decided I was too sick to continue down the road I was on. Somewhere I had made the wrong decision, the misdirected turn.I felt I had been doing what was best for everyone concerned, and had been doing what God wanted me to do.So why the quandry? If God was calling me home, well OK, so be it. But I really didn't feel that was it, that that was the answer.What do I do, God, where do I go? I kept hearing, “Trust Me.” OK, God, its out of my hands. I am in your hands now. I turned it over and I let it go.
And ended up almost immediately in the hospital, in the capable hands of doctors and nurses, saving my life.I felt I was exactly where I needed to be at that time in my life. Why, I really didn't know at the time.Why wasn't important. But I knew I was safe in Gods Loving embrace. I knew I was healing.And I knew I would live. I would live another day, another month, another year, another lifetime.
I have a new direction and goals now.
So with God as my navigator directing my path, I continue to heal and grow in His Love.
Be aware of your direction, and think about your goals.
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