MEMORIES

In the beginning there was only cancer. Then I started to survive. For 2 months, I wrapped myself, body and soul, in a cocoon of warmth, love, caring, from friends, family, and God.And a whole life of memories.This cocoon was my safe place, where all the world of doctors, nurses, the hospital, and surgeries and subsequent recovery, were not invited. This safe place, this cocoon, was filled full of memories. Memories of good times when my kids were young. Trips to the beach many times during the summer months. I'd pile my kids in the car, and take off for the beach. Sometimes we would stop and pick up the cousins and go to the lagoon, and swim and play on the whale the whole day. I always made enough sandwiches and drinks for the ride home, singing and arguing and then everyone, except the driver, falling asleep.
Memories of evenings in the park after a day of all of us swimming in the park pool. Cooking burgers and dogs on the park BBQ pits. Nothing ever tasted so good again.Memories of sitting in our back yard, on the grass, watching for falling stars.”Oh, look, theres a shooting star, look, there it falls.”

More recent good memories of life with David, moving to the mountains,and times filled with love, contentment and challenges. Living, and loving, with our 12 cats to keep us busy. And then saying good bye to each of them thru the years.
Some memories are not happy, or good.
Some memories are poignant. But I looked at them all, and decided which memories, like old photographs, or old clothes, to keep or which to discard. I threw the uneeded ones in the trash and I let them go.The painful, hurtful memories do not serve me well. I do not need them any more.

My cocoon of quiet time was good and healing for me, and then I was ready to go ahead with traditional cancer treatment. It was a quiet time with just me and God, God, to hold my hand and guide me thru the forest of memories, where nothing could harm me.And when God and I came out on the other side of the forest, I was forever changed.

You need a safe place in your mind, that you can retreat to in times of stress and tribulation.Find a quiet place, go into the bathroom and lock the door. Sit on the closed toilet lid and close your eyes, take a deep breath, and exhale slowly to the count of ten. Do this several times, and then picture a perfect scene in your mind, a place you have been, or a place you want to be. Be there. Sitting on the sand or fishing in a quiet lake,or looking out over a vast beautiful horizen. Alone. You are alone. And quiet. And .....safe. Safe and healthy and perfect. God is there but he is quiet . And waiting. And Loving.

We need this escape, this cocoon, this safe place.This is a place of rejuvenation and healing.You can go there anytime. Take a few minutes, to re-group and rejoice.
And live again.