My posting is a comment about Roz Savages latest blog entry. Her article titled, "The Ocean-Rowers 5 step Programme to Zen Acceptance" provoked my interest.
Here I quote Rozs' 5 steps:
1. Indignation that "it shouldn't be this way!"
2. Frustration and anger as fight against reality escalates
3. Crisis and catharsis (yell therapy is good for this - and in the middle of the ocean, nobody can hear you scream...)
4. Grudging acceptance
5. Recognition that there is something positive to be found in every situation, and that the greater the suffering, the greater the learning. To grow you have to get outside your comfort zone, and getting outside your comfort zone is (duh!) UNCOMFORTABLE!
And that invaluable sixth stage.... telling the story over a pint of beer afterwards - which we can call celebrating one's achievements, and saying, "Well, hey, haven't I come a long way."
Read her article first, then come back to this page for my comments.
http://rozsavage.blogspot.com/
The Ocean-Rowers 5 Step Programme to Zen Acceptance
My comments:
ZEN-ZAGGING THROUGH LIFE
Hi Roz, I just read your 5 steps to Zen acceptance, and was really struck by how those ideas fit into my life and learning right now. Thought provoking to say the least. I am a cancer survivor, although I recently discovered I have lung metastasis. So acceptance is a BIG part of life right now.
Lets see how the 5 steps fit in my life:
1.Indignation: it shouldn't be this way. I should NOT have cancer because I don't deserve it!
2.Frustration and anger as fight against reality escalates: I have not noticed a lot of anger. Doesn't mean its not there; I just haven't noticed it. Yet. But I have a great deal of frustration. Frustration with the medical system. Frustration with myself for being 'ill.' Frustration with cancer, frustration with the waiting game...etc.
3.Crisis and catharsis: I have had several 'meltdowns' and did some screaming and yelling. Some crying too. It seems to help at the time, but right around the corner, there is always a new level of crisis and a new challenge to work through.
4.Grudging acceptance: I love this phrase. It describes me and my attitude after a yelling/crying session. I feel it doesn't matter if its done grudgingly.' Acceptance is acceptance and will carry you safely through to the next crisis.The grudging part moderates some with time and becomes acceptance.This is where I can begin to look at the positives.
5.Recognition that there is something positive to be found in every situation, and that the greater the suffering, the greater the learning. To grow you have to get outside your comfort zone, and getting outside your comfort zone is (duh!) UNCOMFORTABLE: Is it ever, makes me antsy and squirrely and sometimes stubborn as a mule( I WILL do it MY way). I will, with Gods help, find a way to live and thrive and share my story.Looking forward to chemotherapy will start the whole process over again.
6.Celebration: YES!I've made it this far(14 months after diagnosis)so I will continue to 'make it.'
Thanks Roz, for these ideas. They are a concise view of the process we all go through at some time or other. If our most important thing in life is inner growth, then this road map will help us stay on the path.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
HAPPINESS BARRIER #6: NAVEL-GAZING
SOLUTION:CONNECT WITH OTHERS
From WEBMD.com
How important are social networks to your happiness? Perhaps even more important than you realized. A recent 20-year study of more than 4,000 people showed that happiness is influenced not just by your immediate friends and family. The happiness of a friend of a friend of a friend -- someone you’ve never even met -- can also influence your happiness. It turns out that happiness can spread through social networks, like a virus.
Unfortunately, many people spend so much time by themselves navel gazing, they don’t benefit from this positive “contagion.”
The more self-absorbed you are, the more your world closes in, and the less realistic you become, all of which produces a vicious circle. “You become oblivious to the needs of others, and the world shrinks still more, making you less able to see outside yourself.” If asked, ‘Why are your problems so special?” says Jinpa, you might respond, “Because they’re mine!”
“If you have such a huge ego, you’re setting yourself up as a huge target, which can easily get hit,” Jinpa says. But using a “wide-angle lens” instead helps you see connections you wouldn’t otherwise see, such as the universality of suffering. All it may take is having a loved one diagnosed with a serious disease to realize how many people are grappling with similar challenges. Feeling joined by others on this journey provides some comfort and happiness.
The straightest path to making connections like these? Compassion and caring for others.
Even primates seem to understand this, says Robert M. Sapolsky, PhD, author of Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers and research associate with the Institute of Primate Research at the National Museum of Kenya. Primates that groom each other after a stressful event experience a reduction in blood pressure. The clincher? Grooming others has a greater impact than getting groomed, says Sapolsky.
Compassion engages us with others, removes isolation, builds resilience, and leads to deep fulfillment, says Doty. “Without compassion, happiness is simply short-lived pleasure.”
Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, may have said it best: “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion; if you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
From WEBMD.com
How important are social networks to your happiness? Perhaps even more important than you realized. A recent 20-year study of more than 4,000 people showed that happiness is influenced not just by your immediate friends and family. The happiness of a friend of a friend of a friend -- someone you’ve never even met -- can also influence your happiness. It turns out that happiness can spread through social networks, like a virus.
Unfortunately, many people spend so much time by themselves navel gazing, they don’t benefit from this positive “contagion.”
The more self-absorbed you are, the more your world closes in, and the less realistic you become, all of which produces a vicious circle. “You become oblivious to the needs of others, and the world shrinks still more, making you less able to see outside yourself.” If asked, ‘Why are your problems so special?” says Jinpa, you might respond, “Because they’re mine!”
“If you have such a huge ego, you’re setting yourself up as a huge target, which can easily get hit,” Jinpa says. But using a “wide-angle lens” instead helps you see connections you wouldn’t otherwise see, such as the universality of suffering. All it may take is having a loved one diagnosed with a serious disease to realize how many people are grappling with similar challenges. Feeling joined by others on this journey provides some comfort and happiness.
The straightest path to making connections like these? Compassion and caring for others.
Even primates seem to understand this, says Robert M. Sapolsky, PhD, author of Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers and research associate with the Institute of Primate Research at the National Museum of Kenya. Primates that groom each other after a stressful event experience a reduction in blood pressure. The clincher? Grooming others has a greater impact than getting groomed, says Sapolsky.
Compassion engages us with others, removes isolation, builds resilience, and leads to deep fulfillment, says Doty. “Without compassion, happiness is simply short-lived pleasure.”
Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, may have said it best: “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion; if you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
HELLO GOD, I HAVE A PROBLEM........
RECOVERY
I have a friend that gets down on himself and is easily thrown into the self-disgust attitude, because he is not doing recovery 'right.'
Recovery is only recovery, a part of life, and can be kept in perspective. Its not easy but it can be done. My recovery is up and down as with anything in life. Mostly its moderate, no terrific highs, but alternatively not much of the lows.
But what defeats me, what is my demon, my enemy, my disaster always, sooner or later, is my..........computer.
I got my first computer in 1995, and it has been a love/hate romance ever since. I really love this personal friend, helpmate,tedious task doer and efficiency expert.
But sometimes, sometimes I hate this machine, this devil, the scourge of my life, this destroyer of my inner peace, slaughtering my equilibrium and my happiness. Partly it is because the mechanics of learning and trying to keep up-to-date on all the computer gizmos and gadgets, shows me in stark detail how incompetent I feel when dealing with this wonderful product of miniturization.
My son, while trying to teach me the basics of computing, always said, 'The computer only does what you tell it to do,' but I guess I often tell it the wrong things to do, because thats exactly what it does. The wrong things. And I spend hours trying to figure it out. Simply because I am usually too stubborn to ask for help. Since tech support has gone mostly out the window, I have to rely on family and friends. What a quick way to ruin a nice, friendly relationship.
I was just trying to put some of my INTENTIONS on itunes, so anyone can access them. But NO!! I followed the directions, many times, over and over, but no change in the status. I kept getting a stupid error message.
And thats the way life is, I feel. A serious challenge rears its ugly head and we are stuck.We try and try, to do everything ourselves and not 'bother' anyone with our problems. Then finally we get to the bottom of 'our' barrel and begin calling friends, neighbors, family, until they are thinking about disowning us. They see our phone number on the caller ID and quickly walk away.
Times like this when we seem to be clueless, and are floundering, is the time to call tech support:
'Hello, God, sorry to bother you, but I have this problem.......
Works everytime.
I have a friend that gets down on himself and is easily thrown into the self-disgust attitude, because he is not doing recovery 'right.'
Recovery is only recovery, a part of life, and can be kept in perspective. Its not easy but it can be done. My recovery is up and down as with anything in life. Mostly its moderate, no terrific highs, but alternatively not much of the lows.
But what defeats me, what is my demon, my enemy, my disaster always, sooner or later, is my..........computer.
I got my first computer in 1995, and it has been a love/hate romance ever since. I really love this personal friend, helpmate,tedious task doer and efficiency expert.
But sometimes, sometimes I hate this machine, this devil, the scourge of my life, this destroyer of my inner peace, slaughtering my equilibrium and my happiness. Partly it is because the mechanics of learning and trying to keep up-to-date on all the computer gizmos and gadgets, shows me in stark detail how incompetent I feel when dealing with this wonderful product of miniturization.
My son, while trying to teach me the basics of computing, always said, 'The computer only does what you tell it to do,' but I guess I often tell it the wrong things to do, because thats exactly what it does. The wrong things. And I spend hours trying to figure it out. Simply because I am usually too stubborn to ask for help. Since tech support has gone mostly out the window, I have to rely on family and friends. What a quick way to ruin a nice, friendly relationship.
I was just trying to put some of my INTENTIONS on itunes, so anyone can access them. But NO!! I followed the directions, many times, over and over, but no change in the status. I kept getting a stupid error message.
And thats the way life is, I feel. A serious challenge rears its ugly head and we are stuck.We try and try, to do everything ourselves and not 'bother' anyone with our problems. Then finally we get to the bottom of 'our' barrel and begin calling friends, neighbors, family, until they are thinking about disowning us. They see our phone number on the caller ID and quickly walk away.
Times like this when we seem to be clueless, and are floundering, is the time to call tech support:
'Hello, God, sorry to bother you, but I have this problem.......
Works everytime.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
THE PATH
Feb 22, 09
With a really white wonderland visible on all sides, it became apparent as soon as we tried to walk to our car that an immediate fix was needed. We have 4-5 ft of snow in our yard and driveway and more than that on our decks. The snow that has fallen off the roof and onto the deck, has piled up so high we can only see snow and the tops of the trees when we look out our windows.
When we went to a doctors appt a few days ago, we had to walk on top of the snow, because our path was nowhere to be found. The snow was fresh and very soft and powdery, and we would sink almost to our hips with each step. Since our driveway is about 100 feet long and steep, the journey was not a walk in the park. Then when we got home we had to walk up the driveway to get in the house.
Yesterday David grabbed the shovel and said, I'm going to fix this problem. So with due diligence, he began shoveling snow. Snow was flying.
Today, he is again shoveling for all he is worth to clear a safe path to the car.He would call out to me periodically to check his path. He wanted to make sure he was still going in the right direction.
We all have our own path to travel in this life, whether it is a short path or a lifelong path. We all need to make sure we are still on the path and haven't wandered into the deep snow, where you may get stuck. Call out for direction. Call out to someone in charge, someone that knows more than you , someone that can see the whole picture.
Call out to God. He knows the whole story and has a direction for you.
'Never will I leave you.
Never will I forsake you.'
....Hebrews 13:5
Many Years ago, David played keyboards with The Ides Of March. Ides was Jim Peteriks band. Then Jim went on to later, start the band, Survivor. David wasn't with that band,
But he DID play some of the keyboards on Survivors 'Burning Heart'.
With a really white wonderland visible on all sides, it became apparent as soon as we tried to walk to our car that an immediate fix was needed. We have 4-5 ft of snow in our yard and driveway and more than that on our decks. The snow that has fallen off the roof and onto the deck, has piled up so high we can only see snow and the tops of the trees when we look out our windows.
When we went to a doctors appt a few days ago, we had to walk on top of the snow, because our path was nowhere to be found. The snow was fresh and very soft and powdery, and we would sink almost to our hips with each step. Since our driveway is about 100 feet long and steep, the journey was not a walk in the park. Then when we got home we had to walk up the driveway to get in the house.
Yesterday David grabbed the shovel and said, I'm going to fix this problem. So with due diligence, he began shoveling snow. Snow was flying.
Today, he is again shoveling for all he is worth to clear a safe path to the car.He would call out to me periodically to check his path. He wanted to make sure he was still going in the right direction.
We all have our own path to travel in this life, whether it is a short path or a lifelong path. We all need to make sure we are still on the path and haven't wandered into the deep snow, where you may get stuck. Call out for direction. Call out to someone in charge, someone that knows more than you , someone that can see the whole picture.
Call out to God. He knows the whole story and has a direction for you.
'Never will I leave you.
Never will I forsake you.'
....Hebrews 13:5
Many Years ago, David played keyboards with The Ides Of March. Ides was Jim Peteriks band. Then Jim went on to later, start the band, Survivor. David wasn't with that band,
But he DID play some of the keyboards on Survivors 'Burning Heart'.
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