THE JUMPING OFF PLACE

There's a place here in our mountains called the Red Rock Wall. This wall is bordering a rest stop area, and is also on a hairpin curve, where numerous vehicles and their drivers have mispercieved the curve and broken thru the Red Rock wall and fallen 600 ft straight down.

We lost another beautiful, young life again, a few weeks ago. She went over the side at the 'jumping off place,' sometime during the night and for 2 days no one realized we had lost another life. I noticed the break in the wall with new barriers in place as David and I rode by on our way down the hill. Again I noticed the broken spot on the way home later that night. But we hadn't heard anything about someone going over the edge. No one realized we had lost another life at the Red Rock Wall, again.

It happens about every 5 years or so, throwing the Angels' family and friends into the never never land of grief and mourning over a senseless loss.

This 'jumping off place' has been my waking nightmare most of my adult life. A terrible fear of losing control and going over the edge, flying over the edge of the cliff into eternity. So I am always extra careful driving on these mountain curves.

The 'jumping off place' for me in reality was in January of 2008, when I hit the brick wall of cancer, and was admitted to the hospital with severe anemia and breast cancer. But Love yanked me back from the edge of the 'jumping off place' of this life to the next. Love from family and friends. Love showered on me by David. And Love from God sent with the message, 'not now, my child.'

So with the support of my family and friends from around the world, I left the 'jumping off place,' to return to my everyday life,with love, to the work still to be done. And to be of service wherever and whenever I can.

THE MIRROR

A few weeks ago I read a story about a lady, more than a few years out of cancer diagnosis and mastectomy. She had decided not to have reconstuctive surgery to rebuild her breast line, So she has very visible suture lines and, of course the missing breast. She thought it would be less hassle than any of the reconstuctive procedures available.But she still gets upset when she looks in the mirror and often cries. She feels ugly, and thinks,”Why did this happen to me?”

The lady in the story was barely in her 40's, and tho I am much older, I related, and really understood her pain and dismay.

The story was on my mind a lot in the next several days, as I thought about cancer and survivors.I turned it over and over in my mind, thinking about the burden society puts on us regarding body image.Any body less than 'perfect' is not OK.

But a cancer survivor has ......well, survived. We've been to the mountain top and have looked over the whole world and decided, “Yeah, I'll stay here.I'll do what I hafta do to stay alive.”

So I looked in my mirror and thought about all I had survived, and how cancer had changed my life.How I HAD changed my life, changed my attitude, my perspective, my focus.Something clicked in my mind-- I changed my life. I am alive. And such overwhelming joy invaded me, my body, and my soul. With tears in my eyes, I was brought to my knees in thankfulness. In Joy, I am alive and I want to stay alive.

Now when I look in my mirror, I am reminded of these changes I made in my life.And I feel joy. Joy reminding me to stay on the track to life.I need to keep changing in a forward direction, and not look back.

Just look in my mirror.

LIVE YOUR LIFE

"Live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about his religion. Respect others in their views and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and of service to your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.

Always give a word or sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, or even a stranger, if in a lonely place. Show respect to all people, but grovel to none. When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life, for your strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself.

Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home." by: Tecumseh -(1768-1813) Shawnee Chief

A HUMAN BEING

"A human being is a part of the whole, called by us, "Universe," a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest -- a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security." : Albert Einstein - (1879-1955) Physicist and Professor, Nobel Prize 1921

LOVE AND PRAYERS

As I sit comfortably at my computer and write this note to you, I am struck by the changes that have occurred in my life in the last six months. The last time I recorded these short love notes to you,my friends, was in January, and I was very ill. So ill, in fact, that I didn't realize how sick I was. I am amazed at the person I was then. Amazed at the strength, determination and love of family and love of God, that woman exhibited. It was this love that kept me going day after day, trying to keep my secret, my facade of wellness and competency. I have apologized to my loved ones for my misdirected love, and caring protection for them.

I can't change what was done, and the facts of what is today. I can only go on from here, from this new place of love, caring and trust for my loved ones.Time will tell the lessons I have learned, and am still learning, as I gain strenght and wellness, in the loving circle of my family and friends. Their prayers and love have sustained and healed me, and I am forever greatful to them for my new lease on life.Thru 3 hospitalizations, 2 surgeries, 6 weeks of radiation treatments, and many, many visits to the doctors, always the loving acceptance and prayers of family and friends, have given me life and courage, and I owe them all a debt of gratitude forever.

I dedicate my new healthy life to continuous learning and healing.

Join me in love and healing

Ollie Rae